后日谈（下）

“Who will love you now, Dumbledore?”

它耗尽了我所有的感情和精力。

我看着他的眼睛，那双曾经明亮、迷人、微笑的眼睛，如今充满了痛苦和挣扎。我不禁回忆起那些甜蜜的夏日，带着激情，带着梦想，带着爱。

我记得阳光，记得影子，记得耳语，记得夜晚。

我知道我爱过他，或许，现在依然爱着。我知道我无法欺骗我的心，但或许，我可以背叛自己的灵魂。我该用 "背叛 "这个词吗？我的身体曾经容纳一切，现在却变得无比空虚。

无意义、无望、绝望。

我试图寻找出路，却被蒙蔽了双眼。

被他，被爱，被毒药……

没有他，我看不到未来。

同样，我也看不到拥有他的未来。

我将所有的感情收集起来，埋藏在心底，等候多年，直到有一天，或者某个深夜，我将它们重新全部拿了出来。我深深地沉浸于其中，细细品味，耐心地，品尝着苦涩，这是我无法抗拒的毒药，从开始，到结束。

但，这与悔恨无关，现实就是如此。

我只能继续走下去。

直到最后。

- - -

“You're all alone.”

——————————————————————————————————

“Who will love you now, Dumbledore?”

- - -

It drained all my feelings and energy.

I look into his eyes, eyes that were once bright, charming, and smiling, but are now filled with pain and struggle. I can't help but remember those sweet summer days, with passion, with dreams, with love.

I remember the sunshine, the shadows, the whispers, the nights.

I know I loved him, and perhaps, still do. I know I can't cheat my heart, but perhaps, I can betray my soul. Should I use the word "betrayal"? My body, which once held everything, is now incredibly empty.

Meaningless, hopeless, and desperate.

I tried to find a way out, but I was blinded.

By him, by love, by poison...

I couldn’t see a future without him.

I couldn’t see the future with him.

I collected all my feelings, buried them in my heart, and waited for years, until one day, or some late night, I brought them all out again. I immersed myself deeply in them, savouring, patiently, the bitterness, the poison I couldn't resist, from the beginning, to the end.

It’s not about regret, it is what it is.

The only thing that I could do is go on and go on.

And go on.

Until the end.

- - -

“You’re all alone.”